


To be Human

by Nik_Knight



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Nikki likes to be naked, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Though she isn't nude anywhere in the fic lol, mentions of self-inflicted injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29477259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nik_Knight/pseuds/Nik_Knight
Summary: This was an accident.Jack was not a spy. She wasn’t the type to be overly curious, or to spectate others’ private lives.She should’ve looked away.She couldn’t look away.She hadn’t meant to see what she did.She shouldn’t have seen what she saw.But she did, and now she has to find someway to confront Hacker about it.
Kudos: 4





	To be Human

It was cooler tonight than it had been previously. Clouds hovered high in the midnight air, occasionally letting a bit of moonlight cut through the fog. Humid and too cloudy to stargaze: The perfect kind of night for the Hacker to breathe. Alone.

Being alone these days was a rare occurrence. Both RED and BLU taking close residence during a truce made the base rather crowded, not to mention the extra tenth classes called in for backup. The building was busy all hours of the day and night, medics, engineers, and other night owls keeping the base alive in the late evenings and early mornings.

Hacker didn’t mind it, but she needed space to breathe.

She gave the roof a good once-over to check for spies, then sat heavily on an external ventilation shaft, then propped the roof exit open with a brick so she wouldn’t be locked out again. Hacker wasn’t in the mood to sleep under the stars tonight.

So she sat, staring out at the damp Mannworks battlefield, and just breathed.

There was a gentle breeze picking up now. Wavy strands of red and black were softly brushed out of the way by a wispy caress. Hacker closed her eyes and took another deep breath.

Hacker shivered lightly as a light breeze blew through two, hand-cut slits in the back of her hoodie. Her arm wrapped around her side to partially cover one of them up. She remembered vaguely how her team asked why those cuts existed, and briefly explained that they help her keep cool on the hotter maps.

She took another deep breath to focus and relax the muscles at her back. Two jagged, purple scars matched the pattern on her clothes, and from beneath, a violaceous secret.

Out from the scars, less closed and healed than before, slipped the form of large, leathery wings. They tentatively unfolded themselves and threaded through the very purposeful rents in the red fabric.

Two wine-colored bat wings now stretched elegantly, hauntingly, across the Hacker’s back. Nearly four meters of wingspan now perched behind her, stretching and contracting as she tried to ease the stiffness out of them. It was nice to let them out, let them stretch and flap a bit, to dust off their cobwebs and let her be whole. She missed it, to be honest.

Even if being wholly herself meant the risk of exposing her... condition... to her team.

It was nice to be free, even if for only just this moment.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

This was an accident.

Jack was not a spy. She wasn’t the type to be overly curious, or to spectate others’ private lives.

She should’ve looked away.

At first she thought that this was one of Merasmus’s tricks, or perhaps that one of Medic’s experiments had escaped, but the closer she looked, the more she couldn’t believe her eye.

She couldn’t look away.

She just wanted to see if the stars were out tonight. That was all. It always eased her mind to watch the twinkling dust of light across the sky. She didn’t expect the stars to be visible with the heavy cloud-cover, but she at least wanted to check. That was all.

She hadn’t meant to see what she did.

She should have known by the brick in the door that someone was already on the roof. She should’ve turned around and gone back inside. She shouldn’t have opened the door.

She shouldn’t have seen what she saw.

She didn’t want to believe the shape between the wings was one she was quite familiar with. She didn’t want to recognize the signature cat ears atop its head. She didn’t want to suddenly understand why Hacker’s clothes were tailored with cuts in them.

But now, she did.

Then slowly, the girl’s head— no, the demon’s head--turned towards her, only halfway, but enough for one single eye to shine in her direction... one single, glowing, red eye.

Jack’s breath was caught in her throat, feet glued to the stairs as her instincts begged her to flee, but she could only stare.

Then the beast’s maw opened wide, perhaps as a growl or a threat, if the monster had even spotted her yet. Two, terrifyingly long fangs glistened in the sliver of moonlight granted to the roof and to the beast. They looked sharp enough to tear through skin and possibly leather jackets.

The hell spawn shut its maw once more and faced away from the door.

Jack tried to keep her breathing even, but even attempting to do so made her lungs burn with the effort. Her hands clenched the railing, feet shaking, backing away, unable to tear her eye away from the horror before her. The demon could notice her any moment--careful, Jack, careful--her body almost betrayed her, almost slipping, almost making noise.

Had it seen her yet? No, it hadn't--at least, not that she could tell. It wasn't looking directly at her, at least--but maybe it could smell her, hear her! It could hear her heartbeat, beat, beat, beating in her chest--

When the door cut off her line of sight, it was like a spell was broken. 

Jack turned back toward the stairs, taking one frightened glance back to make sure the beast hadn't seen her, then ran, nearling falling, as she fled from the horrific sight.

__________________________________________________________

Hacker turned her head to yawn. The night was growing long, and she would soon need to rest. Her mouth opened wide, and she could feel her canines reflexively elongate as she did so. She shut her mouth quickly afterwards and rubbed her eye absently.

Behind her she heard some dull thumping, or perhaps a clattering noise of some sort. Her body jolted violently, shoulders stiffening as her cat ears tilted toward the direction of the initial thump. The sound continued echoing, softening with each noise.

She turned to see the door slightly ajar. Her lungs expelled a breath of relief, and she turned back toward the misty horizon.

The night was breezy and the door was a flimsy one. She’d bet the breeze pushed the door open, where it then clattered against the door jamb and swung shut again as it tended to do-- hence the brick she placed there.

With a well-aimed flap of her wings, she forced a puff of air to shut the door against the brick again before turning back to the silent battlegrounds.

__________________________________________________________

Needless to say, Jack didn’t sleep a wink that night. Question after question flooded her head, but nothing arose from her pondering besides more questions.

That couldn’t have been Nikki. Nikki’s a small little thing. Sweet and harmless...

Her mind brought her back to a day several months before on the battlefield, where the Hacker mistook her for a spy, grabbed Jack by her jacket and lifted her up into the air, ready to end her.

Well, that was just one time... and besides, she would have mentioned if she was something like THAT.

Her mind once again brought her back to a time the girl’s scars were brought up.

__________________________________________________________

“Ha! Leetle team’s paper cuts are no match for bear claws!” Heavy lifted his shirt to show off four pale lines that ran across the top of his abdomen. The team had been discussing the multitude of scars they won over the years. It started with a nasty indentation on Demo’s right leg that he claimed came from the teeth of some mythical beast. Stories and scars were shared from there, and the Hacker was more than happy to show off hers.

With little fanfare, and to the surprise of some of the mercs, she pulled off her hoodie and the shirt underneath to reveal her torso and undergarment. She ignored Scout’s staring and the other’s mixed reactions and pointed to her belly.

“Ya see, I got this from a pretty angry cat a few months ago! Left a long mark an’ everything!” She was gesturing to a very thin, very faded line along her belly. “Pretty wicked, huh?” 

“Yeah, Nik...” Jack said, confused at Nikki’s choice of how she revealed the scar. “But, what about those huge purple scars are your back?” Jack pointed at the scars she saw as she sat slightly behind the Hacker.

Nik turned and looked over her shoulder, as if she forgot those marks existed. The others noticed as she turned, and many gaped at the sight of the massive, long scars running parallel down her back. Only a few of them didn’t seem as surprised.

“Oh. Those,” Hacker said tonelessly. She began to put her shirt and jacket on, but in no hurry. “That was an accident. Hit by a car. Nothing serious.”

__________________________________________________________

Come to think of it, Nikki never had straight answers to any of her personal questions. Jack never pried: Mercs had plenty of reasons to hide personal information.

Except for Nikki. She told everyone her full name the first day in base: Nikole Knight. Everyone knew her birthday, what languages she knew, even her blood type.

Yet no one knew other details, such as where she came from, who her parents were, if she had parents, or how she came to be at Team Fortress Industries in the first place.

Jack thought about all of the details she knew about the Hacker, especially the odd ones. However, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that Hacker was just odd in the first place. It was too hard to pick out one detail from another because the same things that said Nikki might not be human could also be just the way Nikki is.

Eventually, after having exhausted her mind of every explanation, she could only come to one conclusion: She’d have to ask someone else about it, and there was only one person currently on base that knew the Hacker well enough to have the answers she was looking for.

__________________________________________________________

Jack found herself in front of Spy’s room by the time the following evening rolled around. She didn’t give herself enough time to be nervous anymore as she quickly steeled herself and rapped her knuckles against the door with the knife insignia.

Only a few moments passed before there were an excessive amount of locks undone, and the door swung open to reveal the RED Spy, standing tall and stern above the Jack-of-all-trades. There was a beat and a half where they just stood there, awkwardly staring at each other.

Jack didn’t quite know Spy that well. He was intimidating, condescending, and not the kind of person Jack would normally hang around. She didn’t want him looking down on her leather jacket and dusty jeans and judging her too harshly.

But she needed answers. Something was… off about her friend, and she’d be damned if she would let her distrust of Spy get in her way. Besides, maybe he wasn’t all that bad. After all, Nikki was friends with him.

Then again, Nikki was friends with everyone.

“Bonsoir,” said Spy after a moment too long of silence. His eyes flicked quickly up and down her form before gazing wordlessly at her face once more. Jack turned her head away from him, praying she wasn't being judged too harshly. “Is... there something I can help you with?” 

“Uh, yeah, actually,” she said, trying not to twitch or show too many signs of nervousness. She kept her line of sight on the seam that connected the walls together. “If you got a minute, I was wondering if we could... talk?” She glanced back to Spy, hoping he wouldn’t have a terrible look of disgust or something similar on his face.

But Spy simply stood there, watching Jack. His posture didn’t change in the slightest, but the expression on his face wasn’t one she would expect a judgemental man would have.

"But of course." Jack jolted out of her thoughts as Spy opened the door a bit wider and stood to the side, giving her ample room to enter. "Please, come in."

“O-oh, thanks.” Jack stepped in carefully to the smoking room. She was glad her boots weren’t dirty as she noticed the room was lavishly carpeted. She stood relatively still in the middle of the room. She didn’t want to touch anything for fear it was expensive or precious to Spy. 

Spy gently closed the door behind her and made his way behind his overly-expensive, mahogany desk. He sat down as elegantly as one would expect of him and crossed his legs regally.

“What can I help you with, mademoiselle? Whatever it is, it must surely be bothering you if you’ve come to me about it,” He said, easily observing Jack’s discomfort.

Jack’s face heated up at the mention of it. She didn’t expect him to be so forward about the elephant in the room, nor was she expecting to be caught off guard and off-topic so fast. She clenched her fists in her jacket pockets to try to ease the tension within herself before she lost her nerve too quickly.

“Yeah, well... I’m pretty sure you might be the only person with the answers I need.” Jack’s eye wandered from the leaky fountain pen, to the half-filled ashtray, to the small pile of paperwork set to the side....

She didn’t want to see him looking at her. She just wanted to get her answers and leave as quickly as possible.

“Yes, as is so very often the case,” he sighed. He glanced at the half-anxious mercenary before him. Once again, his eyes roamed over her, contemplating. After another moment, he sighed softly, closed his eyes, and patiently withdrew his silver cigarette case. He popped it open and pulled one out before offering it to her between his fingers.

“Smoke?”

Jack blinked and looked down at the offered cigarette. Her tongue darted out across her bottom lip, and she took the stick of tobacco in hand. Yes, perhaps some nicotine would help her get through this. She thanked him and dug into her pocket for her lighter. With practiced ease, she flipped it open, struck the wheel and lit it up. Another swift flick of the wrist and the lighter shut closed and pocketed once again. She took a deep drag of the cigarette and appreciated how smooth it was as the smoke slid over her tongue like a gentle wave on the sandy shore. The taste was stronger than she was used to, and a little sweet, but nicotine was nicotine.

By the time she looked back, Spy was leaning back comfortably in his chair, legs still crossed, but stretched out more like a cat in the sun. He pulled his own lit cigarette out of his mouth and gestured to the open seat in front of the desk. Jack, now slightly more at ease, sat.

“So what seems to be troubling you so deeply, mon ami?”

Jack frowned the slightest bit, trying to figure out how to best explain the situation. She let herself ease into the plush chair and breathe as she pieced her words together.

“It’s about Hacker,” she began slowly. Spy raised his brow, but said nothing, so she continued. “I saw her last night... but uh, she didn’t see me. She was on the roof and I was on my way up there when I... when I saw her.”

“This is hardly the first time the Hacker has been streaking,” he said flatly.

“I— *what? No!*” Heat began to rise quickly to her cheeks. “It-it wasn’t anything like that!” 

“Oh.” He tilted his head, as if that’s all he’d been expecting, before waving his cigarette around in a vague gesture. “My apologies for interrupting, then. Please continue.” 

“Yeah, well, she was sitting down and, uh…” She paused. “...I guess I’ll just say I saw something… unnatural. ...Or I guess it was more *supernatural*, now that I think about it.” She looked up at Spy now, hoping he didn’t think she was losing her mind. She expected him to laugh, or maybe become irritated at her for wasting his time. This wasn’t the case.

Jack was just quick enough to catch Spy's pupils dilate, then immediately recede.It happened so fast, she was hardly sure she saw it. Spy took another drag and put his hand over his mouth as he thought. His eyes shifted to the distant wall. He was quiet, gathering his thoughts with his brows knit in vague concern. His body leaned heavily against his arm, fingers drumming listlessly against the chair's shining red leather. White smoke came from his nose and curled lazily to the ceiling, reminding Jack of a sulking dragon.

“Spy… do you know what I’m talking about?”

He looked up at Jack solemnly and removed the hand from his mouth.

“Perhaps I do…” Spy heaves a deep breath, posturing himself once more into his stoic and respectable self, tone slipping once more into his normal distant professionalism.

Jack watched as Spy adjusted himself, noting how he carefully knotted his fingers over the top of his desk after setting his cigarette on his ashtray, unextinguished. She took a deep breath herself, a moment of paralyzing apprehension overtaking her.

“But that’s hardly what matters. What matters now is how *you* feel about this. Has this changed how you see the Hacker? Do you still want to be friends with her?”

Jack’s shoulders sank a bit, partly glad she wasn’t losing her mind, but partly concerned that what she saw was indeed real. She considered Spy’s words carefully, mulling over them for a moment. “I’m not really *sure* if anything’s changed. She doesn’t even know that I know, and I don’t even know how I should *feel* about this.” She gripped her upper arm, squeezing slightly. She hadn’t intended to get emotional here in front of Spy, but now that that she was here, she couldn’t shake the worry from her body. She wasn’t even sure what she was worried about. About her own safety? About Nikki? About Nikki’s well-being? She couldn’t focus on any one thought before another worry slipped in to take its place.

“Well, I believe we both know the next step you should take.” Spy crushed his cigarette in an ashtray, laced his fingers together, and leaned over his desk. Jack was jolted back into the conversation, sitting up straight to hear Spy out.

Jack paused for a moment to consider Spy’s words. What was he talking abo— oh.

“You think I should talk to her about this?” The implication was more than a little frightening. Not only did she not know how to bring it up, but if she did, there would be no way to gauge how Nikki would react. The girl's mood could change at the drop of a hat. (Usually her own hat; she doesn’t like dirt getting on her cat ears.)

“The way I see it, there are only two options: You can either talk to her so you can both discuss your feelings on the matter, or you could say nothing and awkwardly avoid her for the rest of your contract. I’m sure you’d favor the former much more.”

Jack let out a defeated breath. Yes, she’d have to talk to Hacker, even if it was the scarier option. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she just ignored her outright. Jack imagined a sad little Nikki that didn’t understand why Jack didn’t want to hang out anymore. She could practically see the pouting lip and the watery eyes of the girl, and Jack physically winced at the thought.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jack sighed dejectedly. “Any... any idea how to bring it up?”

Spy frowned slightly, brows furrowed a bit in thought. After a few moments of silence, he hummed, “Hmmm... carefully.”

Not helpful, thought Jack.

“Make sure you two are alone, and do it somewhere with a bit of open space,” he added. “She can be a loaded spring when she’s confused or frightened. Best give her room to run if she needs it, else you might want to consider wearing some sort or armor before you confront her.”

Jack was looking forward to this less and less by the second. “Oh, uh... yeah, okay...”

“Just... be understanding,” Spy concluded. His eyes bored earnestly into Jacks, pulling her gaze into his. His icy look melted the tiniest bit, and his brow softened from the stone composure it held before, imploring her to listen. Jack felt that he was now speaking more for the Hacker’s sake than Jack’s. “She may seem like a beast, but you must remember that she is also a little girl. A little girl that cares more for her friends than anything else. Understand?”

Jack nodded, but the pit of uncertainty in her gut seemed ready to swallow her whole.

__________________________________________________________

The weekend was finally here, and the Hacker seemed to want to spend it outside while the sky was still overcast. Jack watched from around the corner as Hacker went to lean against a nearby oak, holding something in her hands.

Hacker held that little yellow “Duk” she so loved. It resembled what could only be described as a child’s crude drawing of a ducking, but it lived and breathed and walked around like a real, living thing.

But that was a puzzle for another day.

Hacker was gently cleaning it off with a wet rag and talking to it.

“How you keep getting chocolate milk in your fluff is a mystery....” She rubbed the cloth delicately against its “wings” and patted it dry with the other side of the cloth.

Outside? Check.

Armor? Eh... not so much. But it’s not like there was a full iron suit of armor laying around that Jack could borrow, so her normal leathers would have to do.

Jack wasn’t nervous.

...Okay, fine, she was really nervous. She had butterflies in her stomach, sweaty palms, cold feet... the whole deal. The last thing she wanted to do was to walk up to the Hacker and bring up what she saw that fateful night.

But... she needed to. Jack, even in this moment, was still unsure how she felt about it all. About the Hacker…. But she understood things would only get worse if she said nothing if she kept it to herself. She had to be brave. For just this moment at least, she had to be brave.

Be brave, Jack, be brave, be brave, be brave...

She rounded the corner before she could give herself the chance to chicken out. Her footsteps were quick, as if her body was convinced that the sooner she got in, the sooner she could leave. It was only half a moment of power-walking before she found herself standing before the Hacker.

This Hacker wasn’t anything like what she saw on the roof two nights ago. This was Nikki, the little black-haired girl with cat ears and a big smile. She looked up at Jack with those chocolate brown eyes that turned into honey in the sun. She smiled that crooked smile she had whenever she thought of something funny. She even did that signature head tilt that made the ears atop her head flop over to the side. This was the Hacker that Jack knew. This was her friend, Nik Knight.

“Heya, Jackie,” Nikki greeted with an eyebrow raised curiously. “Why’d ya sprint over here lookin like ya crapped yer pants?”

Oh, Jack supposed she probably did walk over here a little stiffly. She shook the strange comment from her head, trying to keep herself from being distracted. She had to get her statement out as clearly and as gently as she could.

“Hacker,” she began, feeling strange for calling the girl by her title. She was sure she had only called her that a handful of times after they first met.

“Jimbo-of-all-trades,” Hacker replied, raising an eyebrow at the title with a cockish smile. “You alright, pal? You look like you’re expecting to get jumped or something.” She pushed off from the tree she was leaning on, looking to try and feel Jack’s forehead with her hand before Jack took a generous step away. Hacker reluctantly pulled her hand back, actually looking concerned now. 

“...Jackie?”

Jack took a deep breath and shut her eyes. This would all be easier if she could just spit out what she needed to say.

“Hacks, I... I saw you the other night. And I think... I think I saw something that I shouldn’t have.” She squinted open her one good eye and looked at the younger woman, hoping everything was okay. Hacker simply put her hand out as if to stop Jack.

“Alright, listen, man,” Nik sighed. “Ain’t nothing to be worried about. Ya see, my thing is, if Sniper can sit outside his camper in broad daylight in the nude, then I should be able to go prancing around naked all I want, okay?”

Jack opened her other eye and squinted in confusion. “Huh? Wait what— Ah, no, no, man, that’s not what I meant!” Jack exclaimed, covering her eyes with her hand as if it would ease away the new mental image in her head.

“Oh.” Nik dropped her hand to the side, looking unsure about what Jack was talking about. “Then what do ya mean, exactly?”

“I-I’m...” Jack sighed, exasperated, and dropped her hands. “I saw your wings, okay!? I saw you on the roof, and you had big, dark bat wings, red eyes, and fangs like a freakin’ vampire!” Jack threw her arms up as she spoke, finally successful in getting her point across, though not as delicately as she would have liked.

“Oh,” Hacker said. “...Oh.”

Jack simply watched as her friend’s face drained of her color. Eyes now staring straight forward, not even looking at Jack anymore, but somewhere in the distance. Her smile was long gone, and her chest began to rise and fall rapidly as she started to hyperventilate.

“Um, Nik,” Jack said softly, not able to do much more as Hacker stood there, still as a statue aside from her quick breathing.

And then the Hacker fell to her knees on the ground and screamed.

__________________________________________________________

This was the worst thing that could have happened. This was the worst thing! God, she couldn’t even breathe right, oh god she was going to pass out! She was going to pass out, and Jack knew her secret and it’s all her fault because she was too careless to shut the door to the roof oh god, oh god...

What was she going to do? There was no way she could fix this! What if Jack had already told someone? What if the whole team knew? Oh lord, what if the authorities were on their way with tranquilizers and chains?

Oh god, oh fuck.

There were definitely tears streaming down her face, but it was of little importance when it was impossible to get any air in her lungs. Her breaths were short and shallow and she couldn’t control her diaphragm enough to take in air. Oh no, oh no, oh god, please no.

She curled her fingers into the grass and didn’t even notice it die and crumble between her fingers. She didn’t see Duk repeatedly slapping her leg with his tiny wings trying to get her attention. She couldn’t see anything through the water overflowing in her eyes.

She reached and patted her hip with her hand, nearly choking when she found nothing there. If she had her sword she could possibly be quick and try to saw the wings off-- at least then the authorities might leave her be.

She fell onto her forearms, the grass starting to wither around her frame. She could hardly hear Jack over the blood rushing in her ears. She blinked out fresh tears and cleared her vision enough to see Jack’s boots in front of her. She leapt backwards in fear, nearly hitting her head as her back hit the tree she was leaning on before. By now she was trembling from head to toe, spiraling deeper into a pit of fear and mental agony.

Between the blood rushing in her ears, the hyperventilation in her chest, her heart pounding harder than ever, she could hardly make out anything Jack was trying to say.

“Nik...Sorry... didn’t tell... worry...”

She didn’t tell anyone yet? She knew how Jack looked when she stared at the sky at night. She knew how Jack looked when she closed her eyes in thought. She knew Jack was someone who... believed. Jack wasn’t someone who would appreciate the kind of monstrosity Nikki was. Jack saw the monster she was and didn’t tell anyone yet? She doubted that this was true, her racing mind told her that this was just a ploy to keep her still until she could be drugged up and taken away to some lab somewhere where she would never see the sun again.

But if it were true-- and Jack really hadn’t told anyone-- then there was a chance that she could salvage this. There was a chance that she could keep what she had, even if Jack knew what she was.

Even if Jack wouldn’t be her friend anymore.

Somehow, that thought stung more than the thought of being carried away.

She didn’t have time to dwell, though. She only had so much time before Jack decided to turn around and get someone else involved and spread the secret further.

So she finally sucked in a breath, and did her best to look at Jack through bleary eyes. Jack was still rambling on when she finally spoke up.

“J-Jacqueline,” she breathed, barely over a whisper.

Jack finally stopped her jabbering and paused, shocked at the sound of her name. “What?” She asked in shock.

Nikki winced at the word but continued.

“L-l-l-Listen, I-I’m sorry, f-for being like this. I-I-I really am. P-please--” She leaned forward again on her knees and pressed her palms into the well-decayed grass... and began to grovel.

“I-I’m not here to hurt anyone, I swear I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I promise! I-I was made like this, you gotta believe me! I can’t change it!” Her hair, red and black, hung as she kept her head facing down towards the earth.

“I swear I won’t bother you anymore, I promise, I won’t even speak unless spoken to, I promise! I’ll be silent, I-I can cut the wings off, I’ll do anything, I...” Her elbows met the ground, bringing her closer to the dirt and mud she knelt in.

“Just please, don’t tell anyone. Don’t call the authorities. Don’t send in the doctors, and I swear, I swear on my life I won’t bother you!” Her choked sobs were muffled by the dirt and the dead grass. “Please, Jacqueline, this team is all I have... they’re the only family I got--I don’t have anything else, please, I love them, please...”

She heaved another soft sob, doing her best to stay quiet, but the thought of losing her team--the family she worked so hard to keep-- hurt more than any doctor or torture she could endure.

__________________________________________________________

Jack finally shut up. She couldn’t really make sense of what she was seeing, but she knew it was very, very wrong. The Hacker was a proud and happy girl. Something like this was never supposed to happen.

Jack had been frightened and tentative about speaking with the Hacker, but now that she had--and had royally screwed up--she didn’t have it in her to mess around and beat around the bush. She had to fix this, and fix it now.

Jack went down to kneel in the dead grass. Slowly, carefully, she reached down and pulled the girl up into her arms. There was no resistance as Jack lifted her and held her close in an embrace. The girl sniffled and trembled, but made no other movements.

“I’m sorry,” Jack whispered. “I’m so sorry, Nikki, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. You’re safe, and your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone. You’re safe, and I’ll protect you from anyone that tries to hurt you, okay? You’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe...”

With Hacker’s chin on Jack’s shoulder, Jack was able to catch the slow inhale through her nose... and the wailing cry she made. Two small arms wrapped themselves around Jack’s shoulders and squeezed tightly. Hacker pushed forward so that Jack fell on her back with Hacker atop her, hugging and squeezing and sobbing.

“Jackieeee!” The girl cried out. “I was so scared, I thought you were gonna hate me and I thought you were gonna leave and I thought I was gonna get taken away, and--and--and...!”

“Hey, hey, shhhh, it’s okay, it’s okay...” Jack whispered, straining to get air in as Hacker crushed her.

“Please don’t leave me, Jackie, I love you, I don’t want you to hate me...”

After managing to sit up with Hacker still clinging to her, Jack sat with her for several more moments, just whispering soft reassurances to her. She let Hacker cry to her heart’s content, not caring about the tears staining her jacket.

It was here, with the Hacker crying softly in her arms, that Jack reflected on what Spy has mentioned earlier. Nikki really was, at the heart of it all, a little girl with a caring soul. Just a little girl who loved her friends, and needed love in return. It didn’t matter what Hacker was. Not to Jack. Not anymore. She said it herself--she loved Jack. And Jack, in return, vowed to keep Nikki close to her heart.

“Promise me? Promise you won’t tell? Promise me we can still be friends?” Hacker sniffled into Jack’s shoulder after she had calmed a bit. At this point, Jack would have promised Hacker anything to make her feel better.

“I promise, Nikki. Cross my heart and everything.” Jack gave her an extra squeeze to confirm it.

“Good...” Hacker sighed, seeming to finally let the last of the tension out. “...You scared me. You owe me an ice cream.”

“Anything you want, Nikki.”

“And a cheeseburger.”

“Sure thing.”

“And a donut.”

“Of course.”

__________________________________________________________

This wasn’t something that was ever easy for her. The crying was easy, letting it all out was easy, but keeping it in, even if Jack now knew, was hard. Not all the others knew. Even now, she still had to keep her eyes and teeth in check lest the other start asking uncomfortable questions.

But maybe this was a start. A rocky, painful, bleeding start, but a start nonetheless. Maybe, if she were very, very lucky… she might just be able to… Tell the others? Maybe just one at a time. She didn’t think she could handle multiple friends freaking out at once, especially if they reacted anything like Jack… or if Nikki re-reacted anything like she just did.

Still. It was a thought. The image of walking freely among the base with her wings akimbo, smiling and wrapping her friends up in full winged hugs… it filled her with a sweet, swelling sensation that brought hopeful tears to her eyes. 

Yes, someday, maybe even someday soon, she would allow herself to open up just a crack. If Scout, Doc, Spy, and Jack already knew, what harm would it be to tell Hunter or Rudy or Tavish or… eventually all of them?

They deserved to know. She owed that much to her family.

Maybe they’d even like it.

Maybe they’d even love her.

And the thought, the hope that vision, that feeling, brought…

It was enough.

And maybe,

Just maybe,

She was enough.


End file.
